Another appointment today

I stepped into the same hospital again with my mum accompanying me because I had the appointment in the morning. We arrived on time but were served in one hour's time late. Naturally, my mum lost her cool and complained to the nurse. I did not know whether it was a blessing or disaster to have her as my companion. I could go alone if I had my own money and were able to hear. I could wait patiently for a bit longer time perhaps. I wanted to have my own peace. "Be still before the Lord and wait for Him patiently." (Ps 37:7) Anyway, for the first time, I saw an orange dressed person with the chains locked his wrists and ankles, accompanied by two policemen. It was the prisoner. I was recalling some verses. "If you obey my teaching, you are really my disciples; you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8: 31-32)

Next, my mum took me to the shopping centre to buy a new book which just hit the selves. It was my favourite book, Singapore True Ghost Stories book which never failed to entertain me. Once I bought, my eyes would be glued to the book till they had devoured every page. It always had the interesting stories.

For the whole day, I was working hard on my project for assessment. I wished that my wound would recover instantly so that I could produce more wax hands.

Right now, I am wishing that I can discipline myself more so that I can spare some time for the Lord. It is quite hard to command my body to do what I want because I am still lazy. "Keep watch and pray that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." (Matthew 26:41)

Beatitudes

For two days, I noticed the new group formed in the memory of someone who just passed away. This group consisted of many members, fans, including two acquaintances of mine and testimonies. I do admit that they touched my heart even though I did not know that person who left this world. She was known as a cheerful person who had high impact on many people. Being a curious cat, my hands were busy typing for a story through the search engine. When I finally found it and read up, my heart reached the state of shock.

"My friend, ____________, took her life early on Wednesday morning," it read.

My instinct was telling me that she had committed suicide! My brain was rushing for the answers but in vain. It made me realize that life was short and anything could happen. So I was reading the verses for that.

"Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor, the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to them!

Happy are those who mourns; God will comfort them!

Happy are those who are humble; they will receive what God has promised!

Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires; God will satisfy them fully!

Happy are those who are merciful to others; God will be merciful to them!

Happy are the pure in heart; they will see God!

Happy are those who work for peace; God will call them His children!

Happy are those who are persecuted because they do what God requires; the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to them!

Happy are you when people insult you and persecute you and tell all kind of evil lies against you because you are my followers.

Be happy and glad, for a great reward is kept for you in Heaven."

(Matthew 5:3-12)

A dream

Last night, I encountered the dream where I found myself in the forest. An ugly looking figure appeared before my sight. He looked much like the pink zombie with a body of Centaur, half man and half horse. He had countless strange tentacles all over his body. There was a naked woman appearing before him. My eyes did not capture the full detail of that woman as she had her back facing me. That zombie was much like an alien as he opened his lower body like the octopus spreading its tentacles and devoured her. Suddenly, he had his eyes targeting me. They glowed bright fiery red. I could not remember whether the fear had gripped my heart. But I found myself retreating backwards. My instinct described him as a spirit of lust. The moment he just started to move towards me, suddenly I felt an invisible arrow shot past my right shoulder and pierced him. That demon fell instantly yet he managed to lift his head and glared at his opponent who shot him. Before I turned my head to see my savior, my eyes suddenly opened up to the bright and refreshing morning.

Although it was just the dream, I felt that it had some impact on me because I remembered praying to the Lord for divine help to stay away from what caused me to sin and temptations.

Those verses came into my mind during the reflection.

"Be still and know that I am God." (Ps 46:10 NIV)

"I will teach you the way you should go; I will instruct and advise you." (Ps 32:8)

"Trust in God; trust also in Me." (John 14:1)

"Trust in the Lord. Have faith, do not despair. Trust in the Lord. (Ps 27:14)

Just a simple day

In the morning, I found myself become conscious after having a pleasant yet normal dream. Just at seven o'clock in the bright and refreshing morning. I felt as if I was gently woken up by the Holy Spirit because I remembered praying to God for the help to wake me up on time as I had the appointment at the hospital in the morning. I recently developed a habit of being overslept despite I had the vibrating alarm clock with me. But today, I woke up on time. Thanks be to God!

I was being aware of the pain as they were going to remove the stitches from my hand. My heart did not show any sign of fear or nervousness. But my mouth opened on its own and asked the nurse whether there would be pain during the process. She assured me there would not be any pain. Then the mysterious young man popped up from nowhere and attended to my hand. His name tag caught the attention of my eyes and I could feel my adrenaline being unleashed in my body. He was the medical student! Although my heart did not beat furiously fast, I found myself being a bit uneasy because of my awareness of the pain during the process. But the nurse assured me he was very good although he was new and under training. Jesus gently calmed my heart with His words, "Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid." (John 14:27) So it went smoothly with the little pain. I totally agreed with a saying to the large extend, "No pain, no gain". But my heart was dancing with joy because I did not have to cover my hand while taking the shower. That means I can have light exercises like jogging, running! After one month away, the hell trainings are ready to open their mouths and bite me with their strong jaws and sharp teeth! Yohohoho, how I love to pamper and discipline myself with the hard trainings that no one can imagine having.

My mum took me to the big shopping centre, Ikea nearby. I was in awe while my eyes were feasting with the pleasure on the beautiful decorations and items. I found myself wishing in my heart that I would own everything there. I praised God for His magnificent and beautiful works. My mum bought four big candles for my project and other items.

Home sweet home. I was taking a break for today. With the long nap in the afternoon. It had been a while since my last long nap. An acquaintance of mine was having her birthday party. I had to give it a miss because of my hand. But I was happy for her because she was going to receive the gift of adulthood too.

Listen to His voice

I was reading how Barnabas and Saul were working hard for a whole year to bring the believers of the church to Lord Jesus before they were first called the christians at Antioch. (Acts 11:19-26) Those were the sheep of Lord Jesus because they listened to His voice and followed Him.


Jesus said, "My sheep listen to My voice; I know them and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never die. No one can snatch them away from Me. What my Father has given me is greater than everything, and no one can snatch them away from the Father's care. The Father and I are one." (John 10: 27-30)

These words captivated my mind so much that I found myself in the adoration room in the night without realizing it. I was supposed to go for the adult catechism class but I chose to give it a miss because I had an appointment at the hospital the next morning. I knew it was an excuse but I could not help it because I could not catch up no matter how hard I paid attention since my ears were unable to function fully. One senior catechist gestured to me that it did not matter as long as I had the faith in Jesus. I still remembered what the lecturer from my youth catechism class told me a few years ago: " *point at my crucifix necklace* As long as you have faith in God, you are very safe." Perhaps they were right but still I want to seek God with all my heart, thirsting and hungering for more knowledge about Jesus.

During the adoration room, my eyes caught the sight of the few titles while my hands were flipping through the pages of the bible for John 10. I came to, "The Promise of the Holy Spirit" (John 14), "Jesus the Real Vine" (John 15), "The World's Hatred" (John 15) and "The Work of the Holy Spirit"(John 16).


Jesus said,

"Whoever loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and my Father and I will come to him and live with him. Whoever does not love me does not obey my teaching"

(John 14: 23-24)

"Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid."

(John 14: 27)

"The world must know that I love my Father; that is why I do everything as He commands Me.

Come, let us go from this place"

(John 14: 31) This is the excellent answer for leaving the comfort zone to do the will of God.

"Remain united to me, and I will remain united to you. You cannot bear fruit unless you remain in me"

(John 15:4)

"I am the vine, and you are the branches. Whoever remains in Me and I in him, will bear much fruit; for you can do nothing without Me."

(John 15:5)

"If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, then you will ask for anything you wish, and you shall have it."

(John 15:7)

"My Father's glory is shown by your bearing much fruit; and in this way you become my disciples."

(John 15:8)

"If the world hates you, just remember that it has hated me first. But I chose you from this world, and you do not belong to it; that is why the world hates you."

(John 15:18-19)

"The time will come when anyone who kills you, will think that by doing this he is serving God. People will do these things to you because they have not known either the Father or Me."

(John 16:2-3) This reminds me of 9/11 event in which Osama praised Allah for the cause.

"They are wrong about sin, because they do not believe in Me.; they are wrong about what is right because I am going to the Father and you will not see Me any more; and they are wrong about judgment, because the ruler of this world has already been judged."

(John 16:9-11)

"When the Spirit comes, who reveals the truth about God, He will lead you into all the truth."

(John 16:13)

A hero

After spending some time in the adoration room at nearby church in the afternoon, I found myself engaging in a battle with a heavy shower of rain as I was dashing on the way to school without an umbrella. Drenched with a wet shirt, I began to work on my project without any concern. During the break, I found myself loitering around my classmate's space and the newspaper caught my sight. As my schedule has not spared me any time for newspaper reading for long time, my interest aroused and encouraged my hands to pick and open it up to my eyes for feasting. The first page featured the hero maid who sacrificed her life in order to save the baby she was carrying. When the bus hit the maid, she flung the baby in her arms away. The baby suffered some scratches and she was saved but the maid paid the price of her life. If the baby were to become an adult now, she would be very grateful.

My mind was looking at Jesus. He paid the price for our sins on the cross so that we could be saved and go to the heaven. I am so grateful for that.

"I know my sheep and they know me. And I am willing to die for them," said Jesus. (John 10:14-15) "Father loves me because I am willing to give up my life, in order that I may receive it back." (John 10:17)

Instantly, the memory card in my head brought the verse up. "The greatest love a person can have for his friends is to give his life for them." (John 15:13)

I give God my heartfelt thanks because Lord Jesus is my hero.

"You are the source of my happiness. I will play my harp and sing praise to you O God, my God." (Ps 43:4)

"The rich man is not one who is in possession of much, but one who gives much." - St John Chrysostom

God had helped me!

Last night, my mind was filled with piles of homeworks and I told myself that I was not going to sleep to do the homeworks and took the coffee. But as the old habit, I ended up watching the anime. And out of blue, an acquaintance knocked the door of my facebook. I ended up in the conversation with him. As it was very late, my enthusiasm and determination began to evaporate in the high speed. My body made the way to the bed and my eyes were shut off to the darkness.

Next morning, as usual, I prayed, "Remind me each morning of your constant love, for I put my trust in you. My prayers go up to you; show me the way I should go." (Ps 143:8) I was determined to finish the homeworks for submission the next day. But at the same time, I was worried about displeasing God if I did not go to the church today. I asked Him to help me to finish my works by the evening. So that I could make it for the evening mass. So my mum drove me to the school in the morning and I found myself busy like the bee in the computer lab. What happened next? I finished it! Just 30 minutes early before 4 o'clock which I thought I would finish by then. Praise the Lord! Amen. Then I remembered the verse, "Don't worry about anything, but in all your prayers ask God for what you need, always asking with a thankful heart." (Phil 4:6) Thanks be to God.

My mum drove me to the church in the evening. I thanked God because I made it on time for the mass. I found my companion who was going for the same mass. I had thought like this, "Wow, God's so good to me. He helped me finish my works and He even sent my companion to occupy the room in the cage where I can rest for a while before the mass."

After the mass, they gave out the booklet which highlighted the priests and their testimonies in the priesthood. After reading the stories, I found myself in the deep thought. My mind was swimming around the priesthood because I was desiring to give my all to Jesus. But I will leave everything to Him and is ready to obey and execute what He wants me to do. Perhaps I need to talk to the priest in the three days away. I could not help but let this verse captured me, "If anyone wants to come with me, he must forget himself, carry his cross, and follow me." (Matt 9:24)

Jesus loves you

As I was reading the Peter's letter to Timothy, it read, "Everyone who wants to live a godly life in union with Christ Jesus will be persecuted." (2 Tim 3:12) Suddenly, it came to my head and flashed Mother Teresa's writing, "How can we have the grace of God if we do not suffer for the sake of Christ? The more sufferings we have, the greater the love of God we receive." I already know that it is normal to have ups and downs in life and as the christians, we have to suffer. But we will receive the great joy and victory in the end if we persevere and carry on in the faith of Jesus. Jesus said, "Because you have kept my command to endure, I will also keep you safe from the time of trouble which is coming upon the world to test all the people on earth. I will make him who is victorious a pillar in the temple of my God, and he will never leave it. I will write on him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which will come down out of Heaven from my God. I will also write on him my new name." (Rev 3:10,12)

Jesus already knows us and loves us so much that He is willing to die for us. "As the Father knows me and I know the Father, in the same way I know my sheep and they know me. And I am willing to die for them. There are other sheep which belong to me that are not in the sheep pen. I must bring them too; they will listen to my voice, and they will become one flock with one shepherd." (John 10:14-16)

Wow, Saturday's bible reading motivated me to the large extend that I become determined to obey and carry out the commands of the Lord with all my might and heart despite the fact I will suffer a lot for the sake of Christ. As being new in the adulthood, I will try my best not to offend God and continue to seek Him with all my heart. Of course, I am expecting the mistakes as I am greenhorn and inexperienced. Holy Spirit, please guide me as I deny myself and am willing to take up my cross and follow Jesus.

"If we have died with Him, we shall also live with Him

If we continue to endure, we shall also rule with Him.

If we deny Him, He also will deny us.

If we are not faithful, He remains faithful, because He cannot be false to Himself."

(2 Tim 2:11-13)

Entertain a stranger

I could only recall that my legs took me to the convenience store in the evening so that I purchased the snack to satisfy my mouth and calm my complaining stomach. It contained the starch to provide energy to my body, vegetable that the vampires dislike so much and organism that my bones love to the death. It was none other than my favourite cheese garlic breads! I love its crunching and crispy parts so much that I do not mind chewing it for the whole day!

Another event introduced the mysterious girl to my night. I had a bite with my chatty classmates after viewing the exhibition at the museum in the street populated by the Indians. I was busy filling my hollow wax hands in the studio at the night where I was supposed to join the fellowship with my church friends. I did not go to the church so I stayed in the studio to do my works. While doing my work, my instinct gently prompted my eyes and led them to the door. I saw a familiar yet unknown face stared back to me through the small dark window of the door. I pictured it out to be the female figure by its long hair and oval shaped face. She exactly looked like the acquaintance I knew before. Before I realized, my body began to pick up and move itself towards the door as if it was controlled by the remote control. Anyway, I welcomed that mysterious girl in as she was like a curious cat over my works. By then, she was different person whom I did not know. I did not even know why I was talking to her. The conversation was none other than just questions and comments on my works. I was wondering where she came from as I saw her to the door and she vanished without a trace. It reminded me of the verse; "Remember to welcome strangers in your homes. There were some who did that and welcomed angels without knowing it." (Hebrews 13:2)

The conversion of Saul

In the morning, my favourite anime, One Piece was entertaining my eyes and ears while my mouth was chewing on the peanut biscuits. My thirst was quenching by my favourite coffee with the pleasure tickling my tongue. When I was reminded of the Youth Eucharistic Adoration session tonight, I found myself feeling the heavy heart and my body running out of eagerness and energy despite the caffeine I took. The extraordinary amount of heat was felt on my forehead like the fever. Strangely, the fever disappeared and my strength returned when I was out with my mum for the lunch. Instead, I felt like floating as if I was having sea sickness. I must have felt dizzy by then. It was strange because I had enough sleep. It could not be that I still had the effects from the hospital because it has been more than a week! So I texted my friend that I was unable to go for the session tonight.

In the school, my mind was engrossed in my works. When I was filling the pail with icy cold water from the water cooler, a sweet girl with a bright star look on her face, paced towards me, placed her arm on my shoulder and leaned her head against my head. My muscles began relaxing themselves as I was filled with joy because I knew that this Christian sister of mine had delighted herself in the Lord despite the problems she just faced.

Today's reading is the conversion of Saul (Acts 9:1-20). I learnt how the Lord changed Saul from his hatred into the repentance and reverence towards Him. It reminded me of my past. I was a bad person with violent and rough personality. I was arrogant and rude towards my family. But now, I am totally different person. I no longer use the vulgar and foul language. I have become gentle and humble person now. How I changed with the help of God is still fresh in my memory as if it was yesterday. After O levels, I had sudden interest in the Catholicism. Then, I had the vision of the man who resembled Jesus in the painting I saw. He kept pointing the dark area of the cave after saving the old lady from the bottomless pit. So I figured out that I should go and find out more about Jesus since I had the belief in Him. I chose Catholicism firstly because I studied in Catholic schools. I do admit that I cried my heart out when I was repenting and confessing my sins to the Lord for first time. During the long holidays, I kept going to the church everyday. So that is how I come to know Jesus! I want to thank God for putting me on the right path towards perfect Christ. I think it is the blessing to be in the shoes of Saul. Otherwise, I would never have such strong faith in Jesus because I know many christians are not willing to obey and do the will of God although they come from background of Christ.

Praise the Lord! Amen.

New spiritual journey

I saw my hand keep itself busy writing on a new book I bought from Popular store the day before. It was reflecting on what its master, my mind learnt from the words of God. I could not sense any emotion in my heart but I was sure that it must be running on the rush of excitement and joy. Or perhaps it was calm as usual. This day, I was writing about Jesus the bread of life. I am confident that I will be drawn ever closer to God from this moment onwards. Amazingly, I found myself that my eyes has developed the interest in knowing and thirsting for God more. Anything else has failed to lure and tempt me.

"I praise God because He did not reject my prayer or keep back His constant love from me." (Ps 66:20)

Power of your tongue

At the night, I used the new train line to travel to home. I thanked God for comfortable and cool journey as I do not have to worry about travelling to school under the hot sun. The new train station is near my school now. After I hit the shower, my voice brought up the conversation with my mum to discuss the time of going to the clinic to wash my hand wound the next day. I gently signaled out the reminder about the acnes on my face. But I received the annoying and irritated response. She complained that I am still under medication and have to wait till my hand is healed completely because we had spent much money on hospital bill. And new medicine for my acnes might complicate and worsen the wound. My father has not given her financial support. "See, she broke her promise again. She still doesn't admit it," kept haunting my mind and my mouth was forced to shut tightly."The more you talk, the more likely you are to sin." (Pr 10:19) This time, my spirit was crushed with great damage even though I am used to her old habit of breaking promises. "A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit." (Pr 15:4) But I learnt something new. My mouth has the power to affect another person's overall being, spirituality and physically. For example, if I hurt him with words, he will be hurt in the spirit. When he is down, he may entertain the thought of committing suicide or deteriorate his health by heavy drinking. I am hurting him physically too. So likewise, using the good words can improve his overall being. "Jesus said to the fig tree, 'No one shall ever eat figs from you again!' Early next morning, as they walked along the road, they saw the fig tree. It was dead all the way down to its roots. Peter remembered what had happened and said to Jesus, 'Look, Teacher, the fig tree you cursed has died!' " (Mark 11:14, 20-21)

Consequence of what you speak.
Of course, we have to be extremely careful with what we speak. I often sensed that the senior techican in my school workshop, whispered curses on his mouth whenever the people came to him for assistance. It reminded me of this verse. "No one has ever been able to tame the tongue. It is evil and uncontrollable, full of deadly poison." (James 3:8)
Jesus said, "How can you say good things when you are evil? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of?" (Matt 12:34) Thus, we will face the judgment of what speak. "You can be sure that on Judgment Day everyone will have to give account of every useless word he has ever spoken. Your words will be used to judge you - to declare you either innocent or guilty." (Matt 12:36-37) I admit that I had spoken a lot of bad words when I was young. But it was in the past. For now onwards, I will strive hard to speak more good words and praise God on my mouth with all my might. "Avoid the passions of youth, and strive for righteousness, faith, love, and peace, together with those who with a pure heart call out to the Lord for help." (2 Tim 2:22)

Pleasure

We share the common thing. We know the meaning of pleasure so we often let ourselves enjoy the moments of fun and pleasures we have. So we know how to take care of our bodies and please ourselves. That is the earthly pleasure. But what about our spiritual pleasure? "A widow who gives herself to pleasure has already died, even though she lives." (1 Tim 5:6)
Everywhere, we always see the stores and shops sell consumable materials that feed our eyes, nose, mouth, ears, skins, stomachs and everything in our bodies. Naturally, we have never encountered anything that is good for our souls. Do you often feel empty even though you have everything? "I decided to enjoy myself and find out what happiness is. But I found that this is useless, too. I discovered that laughter is foolish, that pleasure does you no good." (Ec 2:1-2) "Indulging in luxuries, wine, and rich food will never make you wealthy." (Pr 21:17)
Only one way to please our souls is in God Himself. We need to drink the spiritual water from God if we need the salvation. "Jesus answered, 'Whoever drinks this water will get thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water that I will give him will never be thirsty. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring which will provide him with life-giving water and give him eternal life." (John 4:13-14) Remember Jesus's parable? "The seeds that fell among the thorn bushes stand for those who hear; but the worries and riches and pleasures of this life crowd in and choke them, and their fruit never ripens." (Luke 8:14)

So right now, which one do you prefer pleasing? Your body or soul?

"Inordinate love for the flesh is cruelty, because under the appearance of pleasing the body, we kill the soul." - St. Bernard of Clairvaux

Silence

When the weekly session of charismatic group began in the night four days ago, I was introduced to the new level of the silence. Silence is not just the quiet and empty surrounding but it also gives you the chance to hear God's voice! I was astonished to the large extend. A thought of just one verse kept haunting my head. "Be still, and know that I am God." (Ps 46:10 NIV) It began to make sense as too much noise neglects your chance to hear God's voice. I notice many of my friends who always carry ipods and plug their ears to music, often care about themselves rather than the needs of others. And they cannot bear to tolerate it in the silence. I often heard, "Oh, it's so quiet. It's killing me!" As my hand was unable to carry heavy due to the wound, I was turned down many times when I asked for the companion to assist me to buy the metal tools from the metal factory and hardware shop today. So I ended up being the lone wolf. Fortunately, my other hand was strong enough to handle the superman's tasks with the years of trainings.

The people who do not receive God in their heart, are living in the darkness. Thus, they neglect the needs of the others. I also learnt that Jesus often went to the deserted places and mountain to pray during His time on the earth. I was amazed at that! I have never thought of the silence being the best chance to hear God because I always thought that God is "answering" among the mouths of the holy people like priests etc. That's why I have been wanting to be able to hear and listen to the homily in the church.

Right now, my heart is thanking God with all the might for putting me in the silent world so that I have more opportunities to talk and listen to God. I wish I would be told all about it long time ago! Otherwise, I would never waste my breath in the large amount. *chuckle*

So are you willing to unplug your ears from music and spend time in silence with God now?

"God says, ' Be silent and listen to me, you distant lands!' " (Is 41:1)
"The Lord is in His Holy Temple; let everyone on earth be silent in His presence." (Hb 2:20)
"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation." (Ps 62:1 ESV)

Dramatic event in my new adulthood

On the fateful night, just nine days after my birthday, my heart was feeling empty or something else as if I did not want to do anything. Or perhaps my instincts were directing me because I remembered asking God to cure my acnes on my face on the day before. I do not care about my face as "Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears."(Pr 31:30) But those acnes often gave me painful and itchy sensations, affecting my sleep and other activities. After Eucharistic mass, I found myself in the adoration room. I had been begging my mum to take me to the doctor to treat my acnes as the medicines from pharmacy stores did not work. Of course, I had asked God to cure me. It went on till my mum told me off to ask God alone because she thought that it was natural to have acnes as the puberty. I understood but they were very painful and itchy. I had no choice but to remain silent. "The start of argument is like the first break in the dam; stop it before it goes any further." (pr 17:14) "If you are wise, you will keep quiet." (Pr 10:19)

So during my reflection, the story of Tobit kept knocking at the door of my mind. Instantly, I recalled how his prayer for cure of blindness was answered. God sent angel Raphael to use the medicine to cure Tobit's eyes. So I thought He was telling me to see the doctor. But how? Because my mum was still stubborn and refused to take me to the clinic. But I kept reminding myself, "Trust in the Lord. Do not despair." (Ps 27:14)

First Day:
Then the next night began when I decided not to attend the catechism class but to stay at home to do my home works. As experienced, I was careful to cut the candle in my hand to remove the string so as to melt the wax. But instead, i got stabbed in my hand by the penknife. I rushed around to wash it and stopped the bleeding. My father was in panic mode and getting the cotton wool from the drawer. My mum arrived home on time after burning the "hell money" sacrifice downstairs. Then, my mum and I rushed to the nearby clinic with huge cast of cotton wool and tissue paper. It looked like the white cotton candy with strawberry sauce. But the doctor said that I needed to go to hospital to get treated. So we went back to collect my identify card and rushed to the hospital. The journey was smooth as if God was directing it. I was attended immediately by the beautiful and pretty nurses and surgeons. After I was given injection, (I think it's painkiller.) I felt my hand being sewed as they attended me. According to my mum, the nurse reported that I was very brave and good as the other patients screamed in pain. After all, I did not feel pain from the beginning. It was strange because I must have lost at least one litre of blood yet I did not feel painful. I was taken to the temporary ward but my hand kept bleeding again. So they did the same thing to my hand again. But this time, it was the doctor with the aura of confidence. So after a while, I was transferred to the first class room. I was supposed to go to the ward but it was full. I thanked God for the room. I was attended by another batch of doctors as my hand bled again. I was feeling a bit dizzy because of blood loss.

Second Day:
I felt like being treated like the king as the nurses attended to my needs and checked my status regularly. In the afternoon, I was transferred to the ward where I saw many pretty nurses. I really thought that I did not mind going there again as long as I could see them! In the night, I was taken to the operation room where I was attended by the surgeons. I could remember how instantly my eyes drew the blackness after taking the anaesthetic. According to my mum, she tried to wake me after the operation but I remained sleeping like the log. But I remembered that I was praying and praising God during the period.

Third Day:
Nothing much happened as I was sleeping a lot. The effects of anaesthetic were still working that I vomited when I was taken to see the orthopaedic doctor. Afterwards, I was reading Proverbs a bit. At night, I had the chance to have a short conversation with Muslim elder, my neighbour in the ward. He told me that he had a lot of dangerous acccidents from the workplace. He was supposed to die but he was still alive and okay. I was astonished to the large extend that I prayed for him as well as another one between us. Another one, Muslim elder, suffered the heart problems. He was a big eater as I saw him still gobbling food at late night yet he did not have high blood pressure. I was amazed. Yes, he reminded me of the wrestler, Andre the Giant because they looked exactly alike!

Fourth Day:
Finally, the doctors gave me an approval to get discharged from the hospital after checking my hand. I was led to the orthopaedic doctor again to get checkup. In the late afternoon, I was finally discharged. I went to the school to submit the medical certificate. God had another surprise for me. My mother promised me to take to the doctor to clean my hand and treat my acnes after three days! Praise the Lord for answering my prayer! I want to thank God for His excellent plans for me.

"The Lord says, 'I will teach you the way you should go; I will instruct you and advise you." (Ps 32:8)
"I praise the Lord, because He guides me, and in the night my conscience warns me. And so I am thankful and glad, and I feel completely secure." (Ps 16:7, 9)

Harden not your heart

I come across this bible reading today.

"Each one of you must turn away from his sins and be baptised in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins will be forgiven; and you will receive God's gift, the Holy Spirit. For God's promise was made to you and your children and to all who are far away - all whom the Lord our God calls to Himself." (Act 2:38-39)

How hard is it to repent? Do you want God to help you? So "do not harden your heart, as in the rebellion." (Ps95:8 NKJV) For it is said, "The gate to hell is wide and the road that leads to it is easy. But the gate to life is narrow and the way that leads to it is hard." (Matthew 7:13,14)

"The way to Heaven is straight and narrow: they who wish to arrive at that place of bliss by walking in the paths of pleasure shall be disappointed; and therefore few reach it, because few are willing to use violence to themselves in resisting temptations." - St. Alphonsus Liguori

"True wisdom, then consists in works, not in great talents, which the world admires; for the wise in the world's estimation ... are the foolish who set at naught the will of God and know not how to control their passions." - St. Bridget of Sweden

Wow, they are very powerful quotes from the saints I come across. I am very delighted because I want to use my talents for the will of God. Not for the materialistic world. I learnt from the church session few years ago, that if I do not exercise the gifts of Holy Spirit, I am rejecting the Holy Spirit. So I must work hard to use my talents to the full to gather the people for Lord Jesus Christ! Of course, it is importantly to remind oneself of the humility for Jesus made himself humble on the earth.

Jesus said, "If anyone wants to come with me, he must forget himself, carry his cross and follow me." (Matthew 16:24) "Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit." (Matthew 11:29) So are you willing to repent and become humble and take time to pray today?

Quotes from the saints

As I read on, I was totally put on awe and agreed with those quotes. They quite inspired me to the large extend.

"Cheerfulness strengthens the heart and makes us perserve in good life. Therefore the sevant of God ought always to be good in spirits." - St. Philip Neri

I am happy! What about you? Are you happy?

"It is certain that the love of God does not consist in this sweetness and tenderness which we for the most part desire; but rather in serving Him in justice, fortitude, and humility. His Majesty seeks and loves courageous souls." - St. Teresa of Avila

It reminds me of "Avoid the passions of youth, and strive for righteousness, faith, love, and peace, together with those who with pure heart call out to the Lord for help." (2 Tim 2: 22)

"It is a blasphemy if you pray before God when you are full of anger." - St. Ephraem the Syrian

Thou shalt not be angry.

"You tell me you do not have the time to give two or three hours to prayer; who asks you to do so? No one can be excused from ejaculations because it can be made while coming and going about one's business. Recommend yourself to God the first thing in the morning, protest that you do not wish to offend Him, and then go about your affairs, resolved, nevertheless, to raise your spirit to God even amidst company." - St. Francis de Sales

"Oh how precious time is! Blessed are those who know how to make good use of it. Who can assure us that we will be alive tomorrow? Let us listen to the voice of our conscience, to the voice of the royal prophet: 'Today if you hear God's voice, harden not your heart.' Let us not put off for one moment to another what we 'should' do, because the next moment is not yet ours! - St. Pio of Pietrelcina

So let us put God as the first priority in our lives. For nothing is impossible with God.

Happy Easter's Day!

What a double joys I received today. Besides Easter's Day, I also received the gift of adulthood. Thanks be to God for all His beautiful, wonderful and marvellous works. "I will sing to the Lord because He has won a glorious victory." (Ex 15:1)

Desire to be light and salt to the world

After the conservation with a friend of mine, my mind was directed to the quote of Mother Teresa.

"If I ever become a Saint - I will surely become one of 'darkness.' I will continually be absent from Heaven - to light the light of those in darkness on earth." - Mother Teresa of Calcutta

As I was reading the book, Mother Teresa was suffering a lot yet she remained faithful and determined to persevere on the will of God for her. I learnt that the greater the sufferings we have, the greater the love of God we receive. My thoughts are running wild over my deafness. I want to be healed because I want to speak out the love of God to my family as well as those who do not believe in Christ. At the same time, I want to embrace my deafness because I want to suffer for the sake of Christ so that I can keep shining for Him. "His blindness has nothing to do with his sins or his parents' sins. He is blind so that God's power might be seen at work in him." (John9:3)

As another friend of mine wrote down,

"Recommend virtue to your children, that alone - not wealth - can give happiness. It upholds in adversity and the thought of it and my art prevents me from putting an end to my life." - Beethoven.

"My misfortune is doubly painful to me because it will result in my being misunderstood. For me there can be no recreation in the company of others, no intelligent conversation, no exchange of information with peers; only the most pressing needs can make me venture into society. I am obliged to live like an outcast." - Beethoven

I was inspired by Mother Teresa and Beethoven not to stop doing the things I love because of the problems like illness, pain etc. Right now, I want to do what God wants me to do. "Remind me each morning of your constant love , for I put my trust in you. My prayers go up to you; show me the way I should go." (Ps 143:8) Adding to my careers plans, I want to be catechist, catching the deaf people for Lord Jesus because of their vulnerable weakness, deafness.

Although fire was often described as the anger of God and destruction in the bible, I described the fire as the love of God as I always pray to Holy Spirit to enkindle the fire of love in my heart for it is said " your body is the temple of Holy Spirit, who lives in you and who was given to you by God." (1 Cor 6:19) So that I can be the light to the world. "You are like light for the whole world. Your light must shine before people, so that they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:14,16)

May I always delight and desire to do His will on earth. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

"Ask Jesus not to allow me to refuse Him anything, however small. I [would] rather die." - Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Approaching Easter Day

Easter Day's approaching the next day. In fact, I am very happy because it is the special day for me. I desire to deny myself, take up the cross and follow Lord Jesus eternally with all my heart. As God is good all the time, I want to seek Him all my heart, mind and strength although I am not baptised yet.

I'm happy to have had attended the healing rally at the church of Risen Christ some weeks ago. Because of it, my temperature of spirituality is climbing to the highest point even now. Temperature of spirituality means the intensity of prayer. Although I was not instantly healed at that time, I saw how much faith I had in the Lord and did not have slight disappointment in my heart. Instead, my heart was dancing with joy. Praise the Lord for changing my life and putting me on the right path. Amen.

During the adoration on Maudry Thursday, I met my godfather in the church. It was pleasant joy to see him after a long time of uncontact with him although our conversation was short. It reminded me of how Jesus met his mother on the way of calvary. No word was spoken during their "conversation". It led my memory to the picutre of meeting my deceased grandmother laying on the bed in the hospital last year. Before I even stepped into the room, I broke down trying to control the steam of tears on my face like the crybaby. As there was barrier of language between us, I could only stare at her and not able to utter any word. Even now, the memory of the tears in her eyes is still fresh, aching my heart. After the funeral wake, I was determined to be good son, brother, father and husband, raising my future Christ-centred family.

Often, I am wishing to have someone (especially the girl but you can't blame me for that.) with me most of time. So that we can achieve the even closer and better relationship with God. "Avoid the passions of youth, and strive for righteousness, faith, love, and peace, together with those who with a pure heart call out to the Lord for help." (2 Tim 2:22) "Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a woman who honors the Lord should be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)