As the time table has just changed since there is no meeting which I wanted to attend today. So I went back after the school by my mum's cab. After the shower, I took a short nap as the pain was invading in my body. So I must rest to battle this troublesome pain successfully. They came from the excessive exercises yesterday.
Although the painful feeling was almost gone, I was completely refreshed. But at the same time, I was in the chaos of rage. The thoughts of my parents were the source of the fire in my heart. I understood that they were much less clever due to their low education but I could not stand it when they refused to heed my advices and did not bother to lend me an ear. Small wonder my speech was very poor. They even did not know my needs and desires to affect my life. No matter what I did, they still did not get it. Often, they mocked at me. This explains why I am rebellious at home. In fact I'm boiling inside everyday. They drove me crazy more than enough. I did not hear any word of encouragement from them from my childhood. Not even love I felt. I only felt it when the other people treated me nicely. As well, this supports the reason that I'm good guy outside.
As I'm typing this blog, my heart has been wanting to write down all my wishes. I just want to share my ideas with the readers of this blog. It's all up to them whether they want to make the comment on this blog.
Wishes ~
1) Faith. This is my first important thing in my life. I believe in Christ for God loves us and He is good all the time. He always is there to comfort me whenever I am in distress. As well, He is always the first person I come to when I feel unhappy and want to cry. I'm going to be baptised into the Catholic this November. O Lord, watch over me and protect me from evil and temptation. In Jesus' Name. Amen. As well, I have Virgin Mary, Holy Mother in my heart for I see her as my mother.
2) Money. Although I'm not eyeing the wealth, obviously I need money to support my needs. I cannot depend on my parents all the time for they are not reliable all the time. As well, I need to pay off the current debt (My parents don't know about it.) Of course, I need the car for the transport for I'm sweaty type (I sweat profusely after even five minutes walk. Can you image it when I walk some distance to school from MRT station.) and my mother always complains and sometimes comes late every time I call her out for the ride. Often, she always panic me whenever I need to reach the various places urgently.
3) Healing. I'm feeling this painful emotion almost everyday. I hope that the Lord will take me away from this miserable world. As well, I want to be healed of my hearing impaired. So that I can hear God's words and my communication with the people would improve gradually. As well, I think that it can improve the relationship between my parents and I.
4) Strength. This is for my favourite game - rugby. As well, I wish to be huge like the giants so that I can balance or even overcome the strong opponents. Yes, I want to be strong guy as I'm aiming at the wrestling and American Football.
So far, I don't have any more ideas of my wishes. I hope that tomorrow will be better.
Cheers!~
Tuesday 31 July 2007
Monday 30 July 2007
What a busy day...
Today, I received the long list of complains from my brain. That report came from the parts of my body. I did not realize of that because I was so determined to score my goals. I was so focused on my targets that I forgot about the exhaustion till now. Now, my eyes begin to feel heavy and my skin begins to feel smooth as I'm typing this blog. It is time for me to turn in. But firstly, I want to write down everything I had in my memories.
In the early morning, my vibrating alarm clock woke me up. It was around five o'clock. But when I was awake, my eyes refused to open and my body still wanted to carry on feeling the comfort of my bed. Only my mind was the opposite side. It had me determined to follow my timetable I created for my wellness. Fortunately, I managed to carry myself to the toilet where I washed up and became refreshed. By the time I had finished, my legs took me to the cupboard and my hands reached out for the socks. After my feet fitted into the socks, my hands began working in the search for the keys since my eyes could not work due to the darkness of the room. By the time I closed the gate door, my body began to feel the electricity of energy flow through my body. As well, I could feel the heat although the atmosphere was almost freezing and chilling.
After jogging, my body had been nagging at me for some relief. So I drank some cold drink from the refrigerator and took the warm shower. During the showering, the mixed feeling of pleasure and relief had been flowing from head to toe. To add the childish fun, I made my own silly song.
After the breakfast and the preparation for the school, I began my journey with my mother's cab. When I reached the campus, I entered the lift and it took me to the fourth floor. But I was attacked by the panic as soon as I could not find the classroom and saw the place uncomfortably small. I guessed that my friend gave me the wrong direction. I told myself that I should trust my judgement as last time I read the notice which said that the classroom was held in the other building behind the campus. When I reached the building, the doubts had been haunting my thoughts. "The classroom is in the Kindergarten?" That's what I thought first. But the security guard assured me that it was right place. So I entered without hesitation. But I found the place empty when I reached the fourth floor. The air conditions were still on. But it made me feel like that the ghosts were wandering around there. Like the ghost town. So I went downstairs laughing at my ridiculous remark to find the office to confirm whether my class was going to start over there. But still I found it empty from the outside view. I went upstairs again. To my relief, I found some people in the classroom. So I entered and settled down to get ready. When the teacher arrived, I noticed the aura of familiar feeling around her. I remembered her as I met her when I sat for the English test in the school. Fortunately, I saw that she recognised me. I really felt comfortable with her and believed that I would be able to speak well under her guide within the short time because she taught well and clearly. Better than the secondary school teachers who were somehow boring. So I told myself that I must work harder for my future.
After the school, I went to NUS for the training by my mum's cab. It was much more tougher than before because I already ran out of the energy battery in my body in the halfway of the training. As well, I was almost soiled from head to toe due to the wet ground.
That's all for the blogging.
Cheers!~ (^_^)
In the early morning, my vibrating alarm clock woke me up. It was around five o'clock. But when I was awake, my eyes refused to open and my body still wanted to carry on feeling the comfort of my bed. Only my mind was the opposite side. It had me determined to follow my timetable I created for my wellness. Fortunately, I managed to carry myself to the toilet where I washed up and became refreshed. By the time I had finished, my legs took me to the cupboard and my hands reached out for the socks. After my feet fitted into the socks, my hands began working in the search for the keys since my eyes could not work due to the darkness of the room. By the time I closed the gate door, my body began to feel the electricity of energy flow through my body. As well, I could feel the heat although the atmosphere was almost freezing and chilling.
After jogging, my body had been nagging at me for some relief. So I drank some cold drink from the refrigerator and took the warm shower. During the showering, the mixed feeling of pleasure and relief had been flowing from head to toe. To add the childish fun, I made my own silly song.
After the breakfast and the preparation for the school, I began my journey with my mother's cab. When I reached the campus, I entered the lift and it took me to the fourth floor. But I was attacked by the panic as soon as I could not find the classroom and saw the place uncomfortably small. I guessed that my friend gave me the wrong direction. I told myself that I should trust my judgement as last time I read the notice which said that the classroom was held in the other building behind the campus. When I reached the building, the doubts had been haunting my thoughts. "The classroom is in the Kindergarten?" That's what I thought first. But the security guard assured me that it was right place. So I entered without hesitation. But I found the place empty when I reached the fourth floor. The air conditions were still on. But it made me feel like that the ghosts were wandering around there. Like the ghost town. So I went downstairs laughing at my ridiculous remark to find the office to confirm whether my class was going to start over there. But still I found it empty from the outside view. I went upstairs again. To my relief, I found some people in the classroom. So I entered and settled down to get ready. When the teacher arrived, I noticed the aura of familiar feeling around her. I remembered her as I met her when I sat for the English test in the school. Fortunately, I saw that she recognised me. I really felt comfortable with her and believed that I would be able to speak well under her guide within the short time because she taught well and clearly. Better than the secondary school teachers who were somehow boring. So I told myself that I must work harder for my future.
After the school, I went to NUS for the training by my mum's cab. It was much more tougher than before because I already ran out of the energy battery in my body in the halfway of the training. As well, I was almost soiled from head to toe due to the wet ground.
That's all for the blogging.
Cheers!~ (^_^)
Sunday 29 July 2007
Random questions I had in the mind
After reading countless quiz from the various websites, it seems to be fun and harmless. If they can do it, why not?
From brainstorming...
1) I like to - go home where I can find the Heavenly King, Our Lord and Our Holy Mother.
2) I hate to - sin and do against my conscience.
3) I hate it - when there is no understanding between my parents and I.
4) I love it - when I am doing the Arts works.
5) When I feel bored - I would train myself in fitness.
6) When I face some difficulties - I would pray.
7) When I want to find my dream girl, she would be - gentle in her nature, understanding and compatible.
8) When I am lonely - I would find something to distract myself.
9) How many friends I have - I have so many friends but I'm not really close to them. I just prefer to be on the quiet side.
10) What I want - An intimate relationship with God and my Holy Mother.
11) What are your dream careers? - Artist ( Fine Arts and Comics), Wrestler and Rugger
12) What is your very first drawing? - A crying child
13) I'm allowed - to do everything I believe and want.
14) What are your speaking languages? - Only English. I want to learn Japanese and Chinese.
15) If you had the choice in the past - I would be the normal person who can hear, see and speak. By then, my family would not be in broken state.
16) What's your dream house? - A simple house with the comfortable needs. And the Christian objects like the cross as well.
17) What are your desires? - Being with Our Lord, representing the national rugby team and being the wrestling champion.
18) What movies would you want to watch? - The Red Cliff and Onimusha.
Anyway, my mother has bought the camera for me today. I was very delighted to see it as I need it for the project. I really lack the patience to start working.
Have to go now.
Cheers!~ (^_^)
From brainstorming...
1) I like to - go home where I can find the Heavenly King, Our Lord and Our Holy Mother.
2) I hate to - sin and do against my conscience.
3) I hate it - when there is no understanding between my parents and I.
4) I love it - when I am doing the Arts works.
5) When I feel bored - I would train myself in fitness.
6) When I face some difficulties - I would pray.
7) When I want to find my dream girl, she would be - gentle in her nature, understanding and compatible.
8) When I am lonely - I would find something to distract myself.
9) How many friends I have - I have so many friends but I'm not really close to them. I just prefer to be on the quiet side.
10) What I want - An intimate relationship with God and my Holy Mother.
11) What are your dream careers? - Artist ( Fine Arts and Comics), Wrestler and Rugger
12) What is your very first drawing? - A crying child
13) I'm allowed - to do everything I believe and want.
14) What are your speaking languages? - Only English. I want to learn Japanese and Chinese.
15) If you had the choice in the past - I would be the normal person who can hear, see and speak. By then, my family would not be in broken state.
16) What's your dream house? - A simple house with the comfortable needs. And the Christian objects like the cross as well.
17) What are your desires? - Being with Our Lord, representing the national rugby team and being the wrestling champion.
18) What movies would you want to watch? - The Red Cliff and Onimusha.
Anyway, my mother has bought the camera for me today. I was very delighted to see it as I need it for the project. I really lack the patience to start working.
Have to go now.
Cheers!~ (^_^)
Saturday 28 July 2007
The school life
Five days have passed since the first day of the school. So far, I have learnt that it would be going to be very challenging as there were still many things in ahead of me to learn. As I am somehow little rusty after having not putting my talent to use for two years, I have motivated myself to work harder. I know that the Lord is on my side and guided me along the way. As well, I have Virgin Mary, my Holy Mother. Lord, I trust in you. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
For the school, I find it fun and interesting. Unlike my former secondary school, I did not find myself sleepy and boring during the classes. When it seems too difficult to do, I pressure myself to work harder. Finally, I can do it. I have confidence that I will study oversea after the graduation from my current school. So now, I am so determined to work harder no matter how heavy the pressure is. Moreover, I love the busy schedules where I cannot meet the boredom I dislike the most. As busy as the bees, I'm so engrossed in the works and personal things. Also, it's the best thing for me to kill time while waiting for the time I'm going to be baptised to be Christian. Glory to the Lord forever and ever! Amen!
I wonder when I would get my wishes to fulfill. But it does not matter as I'm doing the things I love and feel that they are more important in my life. So far, I'm glad that I have overcome my hunger for the love. I mean I'm not at the exact position to look for the steady girlfriend. I don't want to carry on talking about it because it sounds so corny. *grin* Haha.. Moreover, I'm still too young for that. So I leave it to God for He knows everything. Praise the Lord! Amen.
My mood is enjoying itself in the bath of joy as my skin is feeling the cool atmosphere of the cold air. I really love the rainy days to the death! (^_^)
Cheers!~
For the school, I find it fun and interesting. Unlike my former secondary school, I did not find myself sleepy and boring during the classes. When it seems too difficult to do, I pressure myself to work harder. Finally, I can do it. I have confidence that I will study oversea after the graduation from my current school. So now, I am so determined to work harder no matter how heavy the pressure is. Moreover, I love the busy schedules where I cannot meet the boredom I dislike the most. As busy as the bees, I'm so engrossed in the works and personal things. Also, it's the best thing for me to kill time while waiting for the time I'm going to be baptised to be Christian. Glory to the Lord forever and ever! Amen!
I wonder when I would get my wishes to fulfill. But it does not matter as I'm doing the things I love and feel that they are more important in my life. So far, I'm glad that I have overcome my hunger for the love. I mean I'm not at the exact position to look for the steady girlfriend. I don't want to carry on talking about it because it sounds so corny. *grin* Haha.. Moreover, I'm still too young for that. So I leave it to God for He knows everything. Praise the Lord! Amen.
My mood is enjoying itself in the bath of joy as my skin is feeling the cool atmosphere of the cold air. I really love the rainy days to the death! (^_^)
Cheers!~
Monday 23 July 2007
First Day of the School
I could not sleep well last night. I guess it was due to my excitement and nervousness. Before the first lesson, I noticed there was a quite lot of student outside my classroom. I wondered whether we shared the same class. Also, I recognised some familiar yet strange faces. Even the former contestant of Singapore Idol greeted me with a smile even though we did not know each other. Perhaps it was the somewhat human nature to recognise and greet the strangers. So I greeted her back with the respectful smile. During the lesson, I noticed there were some students in the class but did not bother to count them. After a while, the teacher took us to the computer lab. The lesson was so interesting even though I could not get what the lecturer was talking because it was too dark in the lab since he was using the powerpoint. But during the period, I noticed there was a girl who looked like Japanese. Then there was a half an hour break. I was on the way to the toilet but I talked to the boy nearby who was my classmate. We introduced each other and chatted for a while on the way. After relieving myself, I noticed that he was a quiet type since he sat by himself. So I went to him and asked some questions about the class. Honestly, he behaved more like my old friend who was usually quiet besides the strangers but was almost talkative with his friends. Then, after the chat, I excused myself and went on the way to the other classroom where the lecturer instructed us to go to after the break. I happened to meet the "Japanese" girl. So we introduced each other. During the first conversation, she was speaking in the foreign language which I realized later that she was speaking Chinese. And also, she told me that she came from China. I did not realize that until she smiled to reveal her "China" look as she almost looked like Japanese. I guess that I should not judge the book by its cover. How clumsy of me. (>.<") As well, she was a bit older than me and in her amazement, she told me that I was so young. We laughed a bit. Afterwards, we went to the same classroom. We took the different courses. But I did not know why we shared the same class. Perhaps the school put the students in the random manner. During the class, there was one more lecturer besides our first lecturer. They were teaching us about the photography progress.
After that, the whole class was going to another class for the next lesson. However, some of us lost the way as we were unsure of the location of the classroom. The same girl and I went on the search for the class on our own as we lost our classmates. But instead we went to the wrong class. Again, we laughed. After a moment of rush, we finally reached our destination class. The lecturer was going to teach us to draw but he asked us to buy some necessary stationery for the lesson at the shop on the ground level. So we went there and buy some materials. To my amazement, A2 drawing block was so huge that it was quite heavy to carry. During the lesson, the lecturer was teaching us some basic drawings. It was so fun and he was helpful as well. Although he looked strict, he sometimes cracked some jokes. I drew as much as I could put my talent. Fortunately, the lecturer did not find any mistake in my works. I was so confident that I could do well in the future. Much better than my former school who did not recognise my talents.
After school, my mum picked me up. I told her that I wanted to go to Yio Chu Kang stadium for the training. But instead, she took me to Choa Chu Kang. My goodness.. She mistook my pronunciation of Yio Chu Kang for Choa Chu Kang. At first, I thought that she was mistaken and took me to Bukit Timah as she was driving along the Bukit Timah road. So I told her that I wanted to go to Yio Chu Kang. But she assured me that she would take me to there. So i relaxed. But when I noticed the notice shown, "Choa Chu Kang", my mind was stinking into the confusion. My mum pointed that sign and said," It's that you want to go, huh?" Of course, I protested loudly and said," It'ssssss YIO CHU KANG!" Then she realized that she made a mistake. Instead of apologise, I only received the rude remarks and curse from her. She kept cursing that I was so stupid and should make a correct pronunciation. But is it her fault for not teaching me to speak well? She never had taught me to make correct pronunciation. Moreover, her English was so poor. I could not blame her. Instead, I was relaxing. Actually, my heart was laughing at her for being childish.
When I reached the training place, my body burst into an enormous energetic one. Of course, it was so difficult since the ground was so wet. But as soon as I fell into the ground and sank my hands into the soft ground, the feeling of gross ran up to my brain from my soiled hands. At the same time, the anger was cracking through my skull. So I became aggressive and took the ball whenever I could and charged at my opponents. As the result, I got cuts on my left forearm. But it did not matter as I had learnt that I should attacked the ball and charged while equppied with it. As well, I had learnt how to grip it tightly when the opponents tried to steal it. After the training, I was so soiled from head to toe. As well, the bathroom was filled with the brown flood as the dust and soil had blocked the waterhole. While waiting for my mother, I saw my friends. I was amazed to see my friend drive the car. It was my first time to see his car. But his car did not belong to him and it was for rental. I joined them for the chat as they were going to the coffeeshop for the drinks. Boredom did not affect me as I was so busy chatting with them. They were really my good friends. Haha... It was time for them to leave and I bid them farewell.
Finally, my mum arrived. We went to the coffeeshop for the supper. Mutabak was so delicious that it melt in my mouth. Yummy! Haha...
That's all for blogging. Really enjoy it. Really look forward to the school.
Cheers!~
After that, the whole class was going to another class for the next lesson. However, some of us lost the way as we were unsure of the location of the classroom. The same girl and I went on the search for the class on our own as we lost our classmates. But instead we went to the wrong class. Again, we laughed. After a moment of rush, we finally reached our destination class. The lecturer was going to teach us to draw but he asked us to buy some necessary stationery for the lesson at the shop on the ground level. So we went there and buy some materials. To my amazement, A2 drawing block was so huge that it was quite heavy to carry. During the lesson, the lecturer was teaching us some basic drawings. It was so fun and he was helpful as well. Although he looked strict, he sometimes cracked some jokes. I drew as much as I could put my talent. Fortunately, the lecturer did not find any mistake in my works. I was so confident that I could do well in the future. Much better than my former school who did not recognise my talents.
After school, my mum picked me up. I told her that I wanted to go to Yio Chu Kang stadium for the training. But instead, she took me to Choa Chu Kang. My goodness.. She mistook my pronunciation of Yio Chu Kang for Choa Chu Kang. At first, I thought that she was mistaken and took me to Bukit Timah as she was driving along the Bukit Timah road. So I told her that I wanted to go to Yio Chu Kang. But she assured me that she would take me to there. So i relaxed. But when I noticed the notice shown, "Choa Chu Kang", my mind was stinking into the confusion. My mum pointed that sign and said," It's that you want to go, huh?" Of course, I protested loudly and said," It'ssssss YIO CHU KANG!" Then she realized that she made a mistake. Instead of apologise, I only received the rude remarks and curse from her. She kept cursing that I was so stupid and should make a correct pronunciation. But is it her fault for not teaching me to speak well? She never had taught me to make correct pronunciation. Moreover, her English was so poor. I could not blame her. Instead, I was relaxing. Actually, my heart was laughing at her for being childish.
When I reached the training place, my body burst into an enormous energetic one. Of course, it was so difficult since the ground was so wet. But as soon as I fell into the ground and sank my hands into the soft ground, the feeling of gross ran up to my brain from my soiled hands. At the same time, the anger was cracking through my skull. So I became aggressive and took the ball whenever I could and charged at my opponents. As the result, I got cuts on my left forearm. But it did not matter as I had learnt that I should attacked the ball and charged while equppied with it. As well, I had learnt how to grip it tightly when the opponents tried to steal it. After the training, I was so soiled from head to toe. As well, the bathroom was filled with the brown flood as the dust and soil had blocked the waterhole. While waiting for my mother, I saw my friends. I was amazed to see my friend drive the car. It was my first time to see his car. But his car did not belong to him and it was for rental. I joined them for the chat as they were going to the coffeeshop for the drinks. Boredom did not affect me as I was so busy chatting with them. They were really my good friends. Haha... It was time for them to leave and I bid them farewell.
Finally, my mum arrived. We went to the coffeeshop for the supper. Mutabak was so delicious that it melt in my mouth. Yummy! Haha...
That's all for blogging. Really enjoy it. Really look forward to the school.
Cheers!~
Saturday 21 July 2007
Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts
My mind had been rushing and changing myself into impatient character as I was trying to catch what the teacher was teaching in the catechism class. My thoughts of blogging down about the NAFA, Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts were flooding through my brain. As soon as the class and the communion mass were ended, I made a sincere prayer to the Lord and my Holy Mother and left the church. But by then, I forgot about the NAFA. So I was walking in a relaxing manner on the way to home. When I reached home, I took the shower immediately and watched the Hong Kong film DVD. The show was the latest film, "The Drive of Life". Before that, I was expecting the show, " Green of Hope" because I wanted to catch the final chapters before I completely finished that show. The Hong Kong films had never failed to entertain myself and arouse my excitement on the television whereas the local films had drive myself into the legion of boredom I disliked the most. There was also the American variety show. It was the American Funniest Video, my favourite show. I loved filling myself with the laughters.
After the "The Drive of Life" show, I started to feel tired and did not like to carry on watching even though there was exactly the cds of latest wrestling shows which were my favourite entertainment in front of me. I began to head for my room as the thought of the computer was charged on my mind. Here comes my experience in NAFA.
Last Thursday, I was taking the English test in NAFA to determine the level of English house should I take later on. Honestly, I was a bit nervous about the test beforehand. When I started to read all the questions, a smile was created on my lips and laughter of joy was stirred up in my heart. My prayer was answered. Praise the Lord! Amen. Honestly, I really found them easy. They were exactly like the primary five schoolworks. I guessed that they were put to test because they wanted to test our English experiences. Also, there was a pretty teacher who helped me to clear my doubts and nervousness. Before the test started, I noticed there were foreign faces among us. They looked like they came from China, Tawian, Japan and Malaysia. I could not find any familiar Singaporean faces. After the test, I went home cheerfully and at the same time, I was exhausted due to the lack of sleep. So I got the plenty of rest after the nice shower.
Yesterday, I went to NAFA again for the school orientation in the morning. Honestly, I was a bit nervous since I was only one hearing impaired student. But at the same time, I was glad that I could do well on my own. In the theatre, I was so engrossed in the handbook and information book about NAFA and was so busy asking around for the student card. Finally, I got the card and went back to my seat. Then I noticed the mixed sea of the foreign and local faces filled the whole atmosphere. The orientation went well except the lunch break. During the lunch break, it was so boring since I could not find any familiar face to talk and I was greeted by the aliens who talked about the so called clubs and Internet. I told them that I was not interested because I got the Internet at home and the rugby club anyway. Also, I was asked by the group leader where I came from. I told her that I was the Singaporean. By then, I saw the surprised look on her face. I did not bother to ask her why she looked like that because I was always approached by the first question from the new people, " Where do you come from?" Also, my new friend recently told me that I looked like Japanese. So i shrugged as I did not know why although I came from Chinese background. I was filled with excitement when I toured along the library and the classrooms. I was amazed to know that there was a student lounge in the library where I could relax with the magazines, televisions, cds and computers. The classrooms were big enough for the schoolworks, projects and learning. They were bigger than the so called local schools. At least, I felt comfortable in that room as I loved the scent of arts rooms. I would accept it if the works were getting more difficult and tougher because my passion was there. It was better than my stupid school and parents who did not appreciate my passion for Arts. During the last tour, I was wandering helplessly around as I lost my group. Blame on my hearing impaired as I could not catch what the leader was speaking. When I finally found two Indian girls who were in the same group, I approached them for help. Fortunately, they guided me to the computer lab where I should register. I did not know why but I really felt comfortable with them and could even communicate well with them. As I was registering with the computer, I was given the extra subjects to choose. Honestly, I did not know what to do as I was not sure of my decision. Instead, I chose one subject based on my guess. Then, i completed the form, gave it to the teacher in charge and left. I was free to move around. I went to the second floor to submit the form My mum drove me home. I was frozen with panic when I later read the handbook about those subjects. I should take the other one. Never mind, I could learn from the difficult subject anyway. I looked forward to the school day. Holy Spirit, please guide me to the right path of truth and protected me from unneccessary dangers. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
I could not believe my eyes when I read the timetable via my email. I only had four school days in one week. Two of them stated that I started schooling in the noon. Although there were more girls whom we shared the same interest, I did not encounter any love. It was true that most of them were pretty but I was really not interested as I was so determined in my goals. Yes, I was going to juggling my four activites. Lord, give me strength to stand firm with your glorious way.
Cheers!~ (^_^)
After the "The Drive of Life" show, I started to feel tired and did not like to carry on watching even though there was exactly the cds of latest wrestling shows which were my favourite entertainment in front of me. I began to head for my room as the thought of the computer was charged on my mind. Here comes my experience in NAFA.
Last Thursday, I was taking the English test in NAFA to determine the level of English house should I take later on. Honestly, I was a bit nervous about the test beforehand. When I started to read all the questions, a smile was created on my lips and laughter of joy was stirred up in my heart. My prayer was answered. Praise the Lord! Amen. Honestly, I really found them easy. They were exactly like the primary five schoolworks. I guessed that they were put to test because they wanted to test our English experiences. Also, there was a pretty teacher who helped me to clear my doubts and nervousness. Before the test started, I noticed there were foreign faces among us. They looked like they came from China, Tawian, Japan and Malaysia. I could not find any familiar Singaporean faces. After the test, I went home cheerfully and at the same time, I was exhausted due to the lack of sleep. So I got the plenty of rest after the nice shower.
Yesterday, I went to NAFA again for the school orientation in the morning. Honestly, I was a bit nervous since I was only one hearing impaired student. But at the same time, I was glad that I could do well on my own. In the theatre, I was so engrossed in the handbook and information book about NAFA and was so busy asking around for the student card. Finally, I got the card and went back to my seat. Then I noticed the mixed sea of the foreign and local faces filled the whole atmosphere. The orientation went well except the lunch break. During the lunch break, it was so boring since I could not find any familiar face to talk and I was greeted by the aliens who talked about the so called clubs and Internet. I told them that I was not interested because I got the Internet at home and the rugby club anyway. Also, I was asked by the group leader where I came from. I told her that I was the Singaporean. By then, I saw the surprised look on her face. I did not bother to ask her why she looked like that because I was always approached by the first question from the new people, " Where do you come from?" Also, my new friend recently told me that I looked like Japanese. So i shrugged as I did not know why although I came from Chinese background. I was filled with excitement when I toured along the library and the classrooms. I was amazed to know that there was a student lounge in the library where I could relax with the magazines, televisions, cds and computers. The classrooms were big enough for the schoolworks, projects and learning. They were bigger than the so called local schools. At least, I felt comfortable in that room as I loved the scent of arts rooms. I would accept it if the works were getting more difficult and tougher because my passion was there. It was better than my stupid school and parents who did not appreciate my passion for Arts. During the last tour, I was wandering helplessly around as I lost my group. Blame on my hearing impaired as I could not catch what the leader was speaking. When I finally found two Indian girls who were in the same group, I approached them for help. Fortunately, they guided me to the computer lab where I should register. I did not know why but I really felt comfortable with them and could even communicate well with them. As I was registering with the computer, I was given the extra subjects to choose. Honestly, I did not know what to do as I was not sure of my decision. Instead, I chose one subject based on my guess. Then, i completed the form, gave it to the teacher in charge and left. I was free to move around. I went to the second floor to submit the form My mum drove me home. I was frozen with panic when I later read the handbook about those subjects. I should take the other one. Never mind, I could learn from the difficult subject anyway. I looked forward to the school day. Holy Spirit, please guide me to the right path of truth and protected me from unneccessary dangers. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
I could not believe my eyes when I read the timetable via my email. I only had four school days in one week. Two of them stated that I started schooling in the noon. Although there were more girls whom we shared the same interest, I did not encounter any love. It was true that most of them were pretty but I was really not interested as I was so determined in my goals. Yes, I was going to juggling my four activites. Lord, give me strength to stand firm with your glorious way.
Cheers!~ (^_^)
Tuesday 17 July 2007
A struggle with a fierce war of the mixed emotions
I cannot make it clear for my feeling I'm having now. It's kind of mixed emotions of joy, sorrow and anger. Some time, I had been happy. At the same time, I was in a rage. I tried to be happy all the time but the family problems had been fueling my anger. Just now, I was trying to relax and about to put myself to rest but suddenly, the thought of what my parents did to me, flashed in my mind. As the result, I could not sleep well as I was so furious. It was not first time.
If my parents had been so supportive, I would not be in the bad state (having nightmares and facing high pressure) and might even do better in school and sports. You see, they are always disapproved me of what I did because they are so pessimistic about me since I'm deaf and cannot speak well. And if there was no aunt staying in our place, perhaps we could do better and my parents would be on good terms. Honestly, she is suffering the mental illness. I mean she's somewhat mad. I understand her state but she has been idling at home like the lazy bum for long time. The attempts of getting her to hold the job had been failed. What I cannot stand is the lack of our communication. There is the barrier of the language that affects our communication. You see, I speak English whereas they speak Chinese. If I were to learn Chinese from primary or secondary school, I would talk to my parents better. But I think that it does not work since they are very stubborn in nature and do not trust my knowledge and judgement. It was the most heaviest burden I had been carrying all those years. I felt that they gave me either too much care or lack of concern because they did not encourage me to make friends outside. Not even the neighbours. They are really full of judgement because they always think that the friends I make are not reliable and from the bad backgrounds. There are many more words I want to write about my family. Thousands of them... Millions of them... But none of them can relieve my pain and nightmares. I wonder whether I should stay with them in the future. I often thought that staying away from them is the best opinion for me since I've been so uncomfortable with my parents. In the past, I often had been quarrelling with them. I knew it was wrong of me but I really could not stand them. Many people told me that I'm blessed with good fortune. But I don't think that it's true because I'm struggling with this problem since I was a child!
Let's talk about happy things as my heart is hurting very much. Last Saturday, I was meeting Kelvin Goh in Paya Lebar after attending the evening mass in the church. He was funny because his pronunciation was poor and he was a bit blur and clumsy. When he was trying to say "Geylang", I thought he was referring to "Glen". Haha... I really heard him saying, "Glen". And also for " Paya Lebar", he said," Purple Lebe" Funny, right? No wonder Mr Khiew asked why he was "blur king". Before we went to Geylang, we went to the bookstore in the Singapore Post Office as I wanted to buy the latest book, Singapore True Ghost Stories volume 16. Then we had dinner in Geylang. After the dinner, we began chatting. I was recommending the business and some home products to him. I saw his impression was good on that business. I hoped that he would join it in the future as he said that he would think about it. Then, he showed me the card. It was about the prayer. He was praying for my desires in life. Lord, hear our prayer. In Jesus' name. Amen. Afterwards, we went on the separate ways.
Last Sunday, I was attending the RCIY parent meeting with my godfather in the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Succour. Even though I did not visit the Church of the Risen Christ for long time, he did not feel angry or scolded me. Instead, he gave me an useful advice. He said that I must always do all the promises I made. Otherwise, people would not trust me. I knew this advice all along because one boy had always been breaking his promises. Same way for my parents. Though I failed to keep the promises for attending the church with my godfather, I really did not have the choice. I was so depressed lately. I even failed to turn up for the trainings. For the meeting, they were talking about the purpose of RCIY and the baptism. I was so delighted to be going to be baptised by 24th November. I really can't wait to be one of the children of God. God is really good all the time! (^_^)
Cheers!~
If my parents had been so supportive, I would not be in the bad state (having nightmares and facing high pressure) and might even do better in school and sports. You see, they are always disapproved me of what I did because they are so pessimistic about me since I'm deaf and cannot speak well. And if there was no aunt staying in our place, perhaps we could do better and my parents would be on good terms. Honestly, she is suffering the mental illness. I mean she's somewhat mad. I understand her state but she has been idling at home like the lazy bum for long time. The attempts of getting her to hold the job had been failed. What I cannot stand is the lack of our communication. There is the barrier of the language that affects our communication. You see, I speak English whereas they speak Chinese. If I were to learn Chinese from primary or secondary school, I would talk to my parents better. But I think that it does not work since they are very stubborn in nature and do not trust my knowledge and judgement. It was the most heaviest burden I had been carrying all those years. I felt that they gave me either too much care or lack of concern because they did not encourage me to make friends outside. Not even the neighbours. They are really full of judgement because they always think that the friends I make are not reliable and from the bad backgrounds. There are many more words I want to write about my family. Thousands of them... Millions of them... But none of them can relieve my pain and nightmares. I wonder whether I should stay with them in the future. I often thought that staying away from them is the best opinion for me since I've been so uncomfortable with my parents. In the past, I often had been quarrelling with them. I knew it was wrong of me but I really could not stand them. Many people told me that I'm blessed with good fortune. But I don't think that it's true because I'm struggling with this problem since I was a child!
Let's talk about happy things as my heart is hurting very much. Last Saturday, I was meeting Kelvin Goh in Paya Lebar after attending the evening mass in the church. He was funny because his pronunciation was poor and he was a bit blur and clumsy. When he was trying to say "Geylang", I thought he was referring to "Glen". Haha... I really heard him saying, "Glen". And also for " Paya Lebar", he said," Purple Lebe" Funny, right? No wonder Mr Khiew asked why he was "blur king". Before we went to Geylang, we went to the bookstore in the Singapore Post Office as I wanted to buy the latest book, Singapore True Ghost Stories volume 16. Then we had dinner in Geylang. After the dinner, we began chatting. I was recommending the business and some home products to him. I saw his impression was good on that business. I hoped that he would join it in the future as he said that he would think about it. Then, he showed me the card. It was about the prayer. He was praying for my desires in life. Lord, hear our prayer. In Jesus' name. Amen. Afterwards, we went on the separate ways.
Last Sunday, I was attending the RCIY parent meeting with my godfather in the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Succour. Even though I did not visit the Church of the Risen Christ for long time, he did not feel angry or scolded me. Instead, he gave me an useful advice. He said that I must always do all the promises I made. Otherwise, people would not trust me. I knew this advice all along because one boy had always been breaking his promises. Same way for my parents. Though I failed to keep the promises for attending the church with my godfather, I really did not have the choice. I was so depressed lately. I even failed to turn up for the trainings. For the meeting, they were talking about the purpose of RCIY and the baptism. I was so delighted to be going to be baptised by 24th November. I really can't wait to be one of the children of God. God is really good all the time! (^_^)
Cheers!~
Sunday 8 July 2007
7th July 2007
There was an exciting match at Yio Chu Kang yesterday. It was the rugby competition between Bedok Kings and Singapore Armed Force for the Cup trophy. It was final match of Under 20 league. Before that, I went with my Malay friends. I left my home early as I expected to meet them just on time. But instead, they came late. By the time we met, we were ready to head for the Bungy Bar in Clarke Quay, Bedok Kings' hangout. Over there, there was the gathering and we were having lunch and meeting. Besides those activities, there was really nothing to do as I sat there, doing nothing except chatting with my friend. As there was time to depart, we received our jerseys with numbers. I received no 16.
When we reached the Yio Chu Kang by the coach bus, we changed and prepared ourselves. During the game, it did not look well in the beginning as the Singapore Armed Forces were strong like the Blacks we battled against before. We were often careless as two players missed when they tried the penalty kicks respectively. So far, overall, we scored only one try whenever our opponents scored many times. As the result, they won as the champions and we were labelled as the runners up. I noticed the disappointment on some teammates. But it did not bother me. This game was just the game. Why get serious about a small loss? We can win back next year. Even though ACJC may not play for us next time, I have confidence that we, Bedok Kings can do it on our own. This thought inspires me to train harder. I could not suppress a smile on my face when I received the silver trophy.
After we changed, we took the coach bus to go back to Bungy Bar to have the dinner. I knew there was the game between Australia and South Africa on the television. I managed to watch it a bit but I was not interested. I did not know why I was like that. In the past, I looked forward to it. Perhaps I was too tired. The dinner was yummy especially the chicken wings. After the dinner, I went out with some pals to meet other team mates at McDonald. They were having dinner over there. For me, I was having the strawberry sundae. I wanted to order the chocolate one but I was slightly sick. So I chose the strawberry instead. We were having the chat and some jokes as well.
After the Bungy Bar, we were going back. I left too as I was exhausted. As I was in the train heading towards to my home station, some thoughts had been lingering around my mind.
As my new school was approaching, I had to prepare to work harder. My friend told me that it would not be easy as I thought because there was a lot of schoolworks. Not the papers like the secondary school's homeworks and revision papers but a lot of creavities was involved. Like drawing and painting etc. They would not even spare your time for sleeping. My friend told me that sometimes one work consumed 24 hours per day. As the result, my two friends who studied in the arts school were having a lack of sleep due to heavy works. But it should be no problem for me as I had sacrificed some nights for the school and job before. I once did not go to bed for four days for the busy schedules. Yes, I'm determined to work harder in school. (^_^) As well, I'm determined to work harder in rugby purpose and my current job. Although it was not easy, I would work hard to carry on. I already knew that there was a difficult road ahead of me. So I had prepared for that. I did not have to mind the other people's opinions on me as they did not know what was on my mind. Even my parents did not share the same thought with me. They refused to fight along with me when I was a child. I admitted that my mother had disciplined me to do well in school and took care of me from childhood but honestly she did not teach me well. Not even one word of encouragement from her. Only she pacify me with some food, disciplines like caning and scolding etc, toys and video games. It's true that they had pacified me. But I felt that it was wrong because it added the fuel to my wants for more toys and games. So it's best if she can comfort me and encourage me because I have been lonely since childhood although I have some friends. When I was bullied, insulted, so lonely and heartbroken, she was not there to comfort me. She just caned me for I was naughty. Honestly, she caned me too when I was innocent and did not know what wrong I did. She refused to listen to my explanations. As the result, I grew up as the bad boy. Cut to the point. This was the reason that I determined to work harder on my job to be independent. I hoped that I could meet my expectations within one month. For the rugby, even though I could not make it to the later matches due to my course I'm having on the same time with the games, I would go to the trainings to catch up with rugby. I would train harder so that I could play for the division one which was for the stronger and bigger guys.
Overall, I'm willing to learn any mistakes ahead of me. Lord, please watch over me as I have faith in you.
Cheers!~
When we reached the Yio Chu Kang by the coach bus, we changed and prepared ourselves. During the game, it did not look well in the beginning as the Singapore Armed Forces were strong like the Blacks we battled against before. We were often careless as two players missed when they tried the penalty kicks respectively. So far, overall, we scored only one try whenever our opponents scored many times. As the result, they won as the champions and we were labelled as the runners up. I noticed the disappointment on some teammates. But it did not bother me. This game was just the game. Why get serious about a small loss? We can win back next year. Even though ACJC may not play for us next time, I have confidence that we, Bedok Kings can do it on our own. This thought inspires me to train harder. I could not suppress a smile on my face when I received the silver trophy.
After we changed, we took the coach bus to go back to Bungy Bar to have the dinner. I knew there was the game between Australia and South Africa on the television. I managed to watch it a bit but I was not interested. I did not know why I was like that. In the past, I looked forward to it. Perhaps I was too tired. The dinner was yummy especially the chicken wings. After the dinner, I went out with some pals to meet other team mates at McDonald. They were having dinner over there. For me, I was having the strawberry sundae. I wanted to order the chocolate one but I was slightly sick. So I chose the strawberry instead. We were having the chat and some jokes as well.
After the Bungy Bar, we were going back. I left too as I was exhausted. As I was in the train heading towards to my home station, some thoughts had been lingering around my mind.
As my new school was approaching, I had to prepare to work harder. My friend told me that it would not be easy as I thought because there was a lot of schoolworks. Not the papers like the secondary school's homeworks and revision papers but a lot of creavities was involved. Like drawing and painting etc. They would not even spare your time for sleeping. My friend told me that sometimes one work consumed 24 hours per day. As the result, my two friends who studied in the arts school were having a lack of sleep due to heavy works. But it should be no problem for me as I had sacrificed some nights for the school and job before. I once did not go to bed for four days for the busy schedules. Yes, I'm determined to work harder in school. (^_^) As well, I'm determined to work harder in rugby purpose and my current job. Although it was not easy, I would work hard to carry on. I already knew that there was a difficult road ahead of me. So I had prepared for that. I did not have to mind the other people's opinions on me as they did not know what was on my mind. Even my parents did not share the same thought with me. They refused to fight along with me when I was a child. I admitted that my mother had disciplined me to do well in school and took care of me from childhood but honestly she did not teach me well. Not even one word of encouragement from her. Only she pacify me with some food, disciplines like caning and scolding etc, toys and video games. It's true that they had pacified me. But I felt that it was wrong because it added the fuel to my wants for more toys and games. So it's best if she can comfort me and encourage me because I have been lonely since childhood although I have some friends. When I was bullied, insulted, so lonely and heartbroken, she was not there to comfort me. She just caned me for I was naughty. Honestly, she caned me too when I was innocent and did not know what wrong I did. She refused to listen to my explanations. As the result, I grew up as the bad boy. Cut to the point. This was the reason that I determined to work harder on my job to be independent. I hoped that I could meet my expectations within one month. For the rugby, even though I could not make it to the later matches due to my course I'm having on the same time with the games, I would go to the trainings to catch up with rugby. I would train harder so that I could play for the division one which was for the stronger and bigger guys.
Overall, I'm willing to learn any mistakes ahead of me. Lord, please watch over me as I have faith in you.
Cheers!~
Monday 2 July 2007
Sunday Mass
Yesterday, I was attending the mass at the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Succour. Before 1715(time), I was meeting my friend, Clarence. He lent me the red shirt which represented the Charismatic Mass and taught me what to do during the mass as I was responsible for carrying the flag which represented the Charismatic Mass. I saw so many flags in the church. I supposed that the church would be crowded. Honestly, I was a bit nervous but I still wanted to do it as I wanted to do my part for the Charismatic Mass. I saw some people whom I could recognise but I did not bother to go to them and greet them. I was just content that I could see them from afar. At 1715, we were having the Rosary Mass. There were five different languages used in the Rosary Mass: English, Chinese, Tagalog, Malayalam and Bahama Indonesian. The strange part was that I could follow the praying and hear very clearly. After the foreign language used to pray the first part, the English was used to pray the last part.
After the Rosary Mass, we were having a short break because it was not time for the Communion Mass which started at 1800 yet. Now, it was really crowded. There were Aunty Lena, Aunty Monica, Aunty, Clarence and me who represented the Charismatic Mass. Also, there was an empty seat among us. Perhaps, we could have more space, I thought. Then some people asked us whether the seat was available. I heard Clarence told them that it was reserved for one person. I was wondering who it was for. Suddenly, the thought of one person flashed in my mind. It was Cherlyn. I was correct in guessing when she finally arrived late. During the Communion Mass, it was usual practise until there was time for representing the icon of Our Lady of Perpetual Succour. So I went to the flag where I was supposed to carry. Yes, I was feeling slight nervous. But after a while, I became calm perfectly. Thanks to my little prayer. Some people carried the huge picture of Virgin Mary out of the Church. The flower girls followed them. Then, Altar Servers followed as well. There were other people whom I was not sure to name. I could see almost everyone leaving the church as I was carrying the flag out of the church. As well, when we were outside the church, I saw the sea of people coming out of the church. I guessed that they were following the picture of Virgin Mary. While we were moving in slow motion around the church, I heard the voices among us. We were having the Rosary Mass along the path. So I proudly followed them in praying. I even shouted as loud as I could and held the flag as high as I could. All the way, neither I lowered my voice nor I lowered the flag. They remained loud and high until we reached the hall where we came from. I was really proud and happy to be Catholic Christian. Nowadays, I feel so confidence that I could live the holy life where I can pray faithfully. After the Rosary Mass, we went back to our seats. For me, I remained standing near the flag. After the mass ended by the priest, I went to my group and greeted them. Clarence returned my bag to me. Cherlyn gave me the new red shirt but I rejected it kindly as I disliked the red colour.
Afterwards, we went on the separate ways. I was walking to home. Honestly, on the way, I was feeling happy and proud. I could not help having the wide smile on my face. When I was having the bed, I could sleep peacefully without waking up for the short moment. Finally, I can sleep peacefully for eight hours or more after having the trouble of sleeping for one month.
Today, I'm having the appointment with my new friends. I'm going to the Paya Lebar Post Office this evening. I hope that I will be successful in being the Market Executive afterwards. Well, I don't know how to explain what it is to do with my new friends as many of you don't know what it is to be market executive.
Importantly, I would like to thank God for lifting me up in spirit. Praise the Lord! Forever and ever! Amen!
That's all for today.
Cheers!~ (^_^)
Mood: Very happy
After the Rosary Mass, we were having a short break because it was not time for the Communion Mass which started at 1800 yet. Now, it was really crowded. There were Aunty Lena, Aunty Monica, Aunty, Clarence and me who represented the Charismatic Mass. Also, there was an empty seat among us. Perhaps, we could have more space, I thought. Then some people asked us whether the seat was available. I heard Clarence told them that it was reserved for one person. I was wondering who it was for. Suddenly, the thought of one person flashed in my mind. It was Cherlyn. I was correct in guessing when she finally arrived late. During the Communion Mass, it was usual practise until there was time for representing the icon of Our Lady of Perpetual Succour. So I went to the flag where I was supposed to carry. Yes, I was feeling slight nervous. But after a while, I became calm perfectly. Thanks to my little prayer. Some people carried the huge picture of Virgin Mary out of the Church. The flower girls followed them. Then, Altar Servers followed as well. There were other people whom I was not sure to name. I could see almost everyone leaving the church as I was carrying the flag out of the church. As well, when we were outside the church, I saw the sea of people coming out of the church. I guessed that they were following the picture of Virgin Mary. While we were moving in slow motion around the church, I heard the voices among us. We were having the Rosary Mass along the path. So I proudly followed them in praying. I even shouted as loud as I could and held the flag as high as I could. All the way, neither I lowered my voice nor I lowered the flag. They remained loud and high until we reached the hall where we came from. I was really proud and happy to be Catholic Christian. Nowadays, I feel so confidence that I could live the holy life where I can pray faithfully. After the Rosary Mass, we went back to our seats. For me, I remained standing near the flag. After the mass ended by the priest, I went to my group and greeted them. Clarence returned my bag to me. Cherlyn gave me the new red shirt but I rejected it kindly as I disliked the red colour.
Afterwards, we went on the separate ways. I was walking to home. Honestly, on the way, I was feeling happy and proud. I could not help having the wide smile on my face. When I was having the bed, I could sleep peacefully without waking up for the short moment. Finally, I can sleep peacefully for eight hours or more after having the trouble of sleeping for one month.
Today, I'm having the appointment with my new friends. I'm going to the Paya Lebar Post Office this evening. I hope that I will be successful in being the Market Executive afterwards. Well, I don't know how to explain what it is to do with my new friends as many of you don't know what it is to be market executive.
Importantly, I would like to thank God for lifting me up in spirit. Praise the Lord! Forever and ever! Amen!
That's all for today.
Cheers!~ (^_^)
Mood: Very happy
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