Some mind reflections on my life.

I almost managed to sleep early last night. But the television disturbed me. My mum was watching the TVB show. I scolded her that i needed to sleep early for the morning activity. I was sleeping in my mum's room because it got air conditioner while my room did not have it. When i switched the television off, she hit my face so hard with her pillow that my eyes hurt. Three times. I was so angry so i hit her back with my pillow once and then stormed into my room to sleep. But i could not sleep well because of hotness. Even sleeping on the cold floor could not help. This time, i was really frustrated because she had been wasting my time all the years. Last time, i was sleeping in the same room with my mother. By then, my room was occupied by my auntie who suffered some mental illness. For my father, he occupied the living room. Even if i was preparing for the serious examinations, my mum would still watched the television at late night. That was why i did not have enough sleep all those years except the holidays. Perhaps if i got my own room with the air conditioner long time ago, i would be big and tall and study in the top school now. My family was really strange or perhaps crazy because my parents seldom talked much to each other all those years as if they were having the cold war. It was because of money matters. It was not easy to sit down and discuss with them because they were so stubborn and their English was so poor. That was why i could not speak well. I wished that if i were the normal hearing person, this problem would never affect my family. I remembered that my mum often told me that she found me in the trash and she would divorce my father one day and left forever. I think that she was wrong by then because i was so small. As well, i think that if the parents spoke to their young children like that, those children would follow those wrong ideas and might destroy their future family. I understood that she did it at the moment of the anger and due to the pressure from my hearing problems. But could she do the better? I wished that she would give me her support all the time. I always was green with envy when i saw the other families worked together and supported each other as the united ones. I dared to say that she was selfish and narrow minded because she had so high expectations on me when i was a child. Every time my school results were somehow poor, she would hit me and scolded me. I understood that she was disciplined me but she was really wrong at that time because she did not give me any reason. When if i did better, she did the same. It would be better if she were supportive like encouraging me to improve. When i was bullied in the school last time, she did not care and mocked me for being soft hearted. I wished to have friends like neighbours when i was small but she did not allow it because she felt that they were so naughty. Now, I'm laughing at her remarks because every child has own childhood. Nothing to do with the adults' decisions to refrain them from playing with friends. It's not if those children were committing the crimes. It's all right to stop them if they were doing something dangerous like playing with the fire. Those children i met were just running around and playing hide and seek only. Same with my father. He also disapproved me of playing with those children. For him, i felt that he was a coward, narrow minded and selfish. He treated the money matters more important than the family matters. That was why he was often neglected the family. He even did not know my birthday, my likes and my favourite things even though he was my father. I often felt that he was a completely stranger every time i saw him. He always thought that he was best and could do everything but i said that he was careless and clumsy. As well, he thought that he was iron man because he refused to see the doctor when he was hurting his legs or arms from the works. When he was visiting the physician for his injured leg last month, he rejected my offer of accompanying him. I could tell that he was feeling shamed or embarrassed with me accompanying him. Money was really the apple of his eyes. My parents always think that they can satisfy me with the money and food.
Now, i think that if i become rich one day, i would definitely buy the house. One room for person. Some more rooms for my personal things like the gym, work and temple for worship. But i will not talk to them much in the future lest i would hurt our family relationship.

i'm going to stop here because my mood is bad now.

Gotta go.

Cheers!~