Time to move on

My mind had been tasting the sweetness of the comfortable holidays for weeks. My body had been cuddling the warmest love of the bed for weeks. My stomach had been wolfing down on the delicious pleasure of the food for weeks. It is time to move out of the comfort zone although the holidays have not ended yet. My desires are burning fiercely at this hour. I need a lot of strict disciplines to lead the holy life. Maybe I am hoping to meet someone who can help me. I must put more efforts in the religion practices. Moreover, I must put more effort in sculpturing my body.

What a break

I am finding myself enjoying the dream of the holidays. I guess that the school had torn myself apart. Fortunately, I survived and recuperated in the midst of the healing power of the dream. Yes, my relationship with that girl I was talking about, is improving but sadly there is invisible line drawn between us. I'm afraid that our cheeky and funny conversation will be gone forever. That is unless she chooses to start all over again. But I do not have to worry because we will meet new people in our social circles respectively. Yes, I'm letting her go and giving her my blessing in whatever she does in her own way. Because I'm feeling better whenever I meet new people and so on. There are many things I have to learn for my future. So the relationships except with God are no longer important. I'm sure He will send me the one who is worth of my love. I guess some are lucky to meet the important persons in their lives.

I just received the school result from the letterbox a few days ago. The results are still the same although I had taken so many electives. But at least I have equipped the knowledge and experience which might be important in the future. So I will have to work hard because I'm going to have the final year from July onwards. I'm afraid that also means I have to walk out of my school gang which was formed unconsciously because I want to spend my time wisely.

For other activities, I hope that I can achieve at least some of my plans such as the oil paintings, cooking and so on. Yes, I think it will be better. Of course, I will expect any failure on the way. Wish me good luck and strength. Cheers!~

Wild Thoughts

Although I am tired and my eyes are heavy enough for bedtime, I cannot pamper myself to sleep due to the wild thoughts rushing through my mind. The girl is still there haunting me. Rambo, the new arcade game is also rushing through my brain. I think I have found new way to make me sleep better - That is jogging. It really works to make me sleep well at night. But I cannot rely on it everyday because of muscle sores. I need rest to grow my muscles. I was carefree in the past. But now, I have transformed into the self worrying type. How troublesome it is. I hope that the next month adventures will clear my thoughts and mind.

Time to be serious

Finally, the images in my head are getting less active and no longer disturbing. Why the fuss over one girl whereas there are so many girls who may be compatible and even better out there? I must grasp the memory of my dream girl. I can see my biceps are getting bigger. I'm confident that I'm going to be macho soon. Mm.. My spirituality is getting better too. However, I must be aware of the temptations and pits out there.

Feeling vexed

I do not believe that I'm in love with my good friend because she is not my cup of tea and also not compatible for me. But I'm still feeling vexed and stressed no matter what. I think I better go out and work out harder to exhaust myself so that I can sleep better. Not forgetting, I must devote myself to the religion, arts and sports. I must remind myself not to involve in the romance till oversea. My God, please comfort me. Amen.

Holidays

Finally, the stress has disappeared in my path. The long break is opening up to me now. I guess that the stress has clouded my judgements and myself that I became hungry for the love. So I hope that I would regain the good friend back soon. It must be great because I can work out as much as I desire now.

What is love?

The images of this girl who has been my good friend kept flashing in my head. My instinct keeps telling me that I'm having the feelings for her. How could it be? She has already her steady love. It is really complicated. There is no way that I would fall for the local girl. I just want to have the good relationship with her as if we are siblings. However, it reminded me of my former friend whom I forced myself to forget long time ago. We first started off as the acquaintances. Then, friends. Next, classmates. Our bonds were so strong that we would kept chatting with each other about everything often. We were so close that our homeroom teacher sometimes commented that we would give same response at same time and even shared the same thoughts. Then the seed of love was planted in our relationship without our knowledge. I recalled telling her first that I liked her after she wore the new glasses and I found her pretty. But I did not have strong feeling for her as I was still seeing her as my best friend. However, I found another girl (Let's call her B) whom I fell in love with at the first sight. So I first confessed to B that I liked her very much. After some times, we finally got into the serious relationship. However, we were unable to get close to each other as we were too young and had limited freedom except we could only chat or write letter to each other. Then, I later found out that my good friend fell in love with me according to our mutual friend (I was not sure whether it was true because I didn't see any clue from her and she refused to tell me.) Well, I did trying to clarify with her but I did not get much information. Otherwise, we would be a couple by now! Later, misunderstanding came and shook our relationship and we no longer became best friends. Sooner, I chose to end the relationship with B because I didn't have confidence in it as sometimes, when I tried to get closer with her, she would avoid me like the plague.

Some years later, I received the SMS out of blue. It was the acquaintance of mine who was the close friend of my former friend (Let's call A.) She said that A wanted to patch up with me because of God. She was too afraid to approach me for forgiveness because I might be fierce to her. It was really stupid move because I felt that she was not sincere. But I let it go because I thought it might be good to regain the old best friend and I was starting to forgive others who had hurt me before. I tried to chat with her like the old times but our conversation would cut short as she kept saying, "I have nothing to say." What is the meaning of it? I could not see any sincerely approach from her. So I decided to walk out of our so called relationship since she took it lightly. It was indeed fortunate of me not to have any courtship with her as she was indecisive herself and too materialistic.

I'm not sure whether I'm ready for the serious relationship although I have the urge to have one. I just want to have the only one who will accompany me in my lifetime. No long string of ex-girlfriends for me. Hopefully, I'm having no more illusion of my current good friend from now onwards.