The images of this girl who has been my good friend kept flashing in my head. My instinct keeps telling me that I'm having the feelings for her. How could it be? She has already her steady love. It is really complicated. There is no way that I would fall for the local girl. I just want to have the good relationship with her as if we are siblings. However, it reminded me of my former friend whom I forced myself to forget long time ago. We first started off as the acquaintances. Then, friends. Next, classmates. Our bonds were so strong that we would kept chatting with each other about everything often. We were so close that our homeroom teacher sometimes commented that we would give same response at same time and even shared the same thoughts. Then the seed of love was planted in our relationship without our knowledge. I recalled telling her first that I liked her after she wore the new glasses and I found her pretty. But I did not have strong feeling for her as I was still seeing her as my best friend. However, I found another girl (Let's call her B) whom I fell in love with at the first sight. So I first confessed to B that I liked her very much. After some times, we finally got into the serious relationship. However, we were unable to get close to each other as we were too young and had limited freedom except we could only chat or write letter to each other. Then, I later found out that my good friend fell in love with me according to our mutual friend (I was not sure whether it was true because I didn't see any clue from her and she refused to tell me.) Well, I did trying to clarify with her but I did not get much information. Otherwise, we would be a couple by now! Later, misunderstanding came and shook our relationship and we no longer became best friends. Sooner, I chose to end the relationship with B because I didn't have confidence in it as sometimes, when I tried to get closer with her, she would avoid me like the plague.
Some years later, I received the SMS out of blue. It was the acquaintance of mine who was the close friend of my former friend (Let's call A.) She said that A wanted to patch up with me because of God. She was too afraid to approach me for forgiveness because I might be fierce to her. It was really stupid move because I felt that she was not sincere. But I let it go because I thought it might be good to regain the old best friend and I was starting to forgive others who had hurt me before. I tried to chat with her like the old times but our conversation would cut short as she kept saying, "I have nothing to say." What is the meaning of it? I could not see any sincerely approach from her. So I decided to walk out of our so called relationship since she took it lightly. It was indeed fortunate of me not to have any courtship with her as she was indecisive herself and too materialistic.
I'm not sure whether I'm ready for the serious relationship although I have the urge to have one. I just want to have the only one who will accompany me in my lifetime. No long string of ex-girlfriends for me. Hopefully, I'm having no more illusion of my current good friend from now onwards.
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